would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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