Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love having hate sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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