"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
