he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
