i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
