i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
