my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Holy sore nipples Batman
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
