I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
