I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
