So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
