Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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