had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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