Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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