none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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