it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
