I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
