This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
