She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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