she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
