When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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