just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
