HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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