I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
