She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
