Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
