you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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