My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
