3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
