WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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