____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
