I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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