Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
