I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
