Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
