woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
