last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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