Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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