My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
