Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We left the knife in your bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
