Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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