his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
