dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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