Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
