We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
