Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
