It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
