It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
