Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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