Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
