theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
