So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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