it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
