ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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